Sleeping is weird

Sleeping is biological and necessary and all that but it sort of cracks me up how weird we are when we sleep…by “we” I really mean my family.  I sleep entirely normally.  Anyhow, last night I went up to check on the kids and noticed Abigail in one of her crazy sleep poses.  She was a terrible sleeper as a kid but she seems to have turned a corner…most nights she sleeps all night.  Now she just seems to go into “bunker” mode at night.  She still talks in her sleep but it’s usually pretty interesting so I see nothing weird there.  Anyhow, in bunker mode, I think she surely must be protecting herself from Madeline.

Madeline, you see, is a needy cat.  She also sleeps weirdly.  When we first got her, she was very young and sucked her tail every night.   We took her to numerous cat psychics and analysts and, after spending our kids’ college funds on it, they concluded that she was taken from her momma at too young an age so was consoling herself with her tail…sort of like a kitty pacifier.  So, imagine your restless cat who sucks her tail at night waking up in a fit and smacking you in your sleeping  face with a tail full of cat slobber…it’s not pleasant.

Now Isaac is consistent in his sleep weirdness…he sleeps on his stomach under double the blankets that the rest of us use.  I am certain that I would suffocate under the enormous weight of the blankets but he seems to thrive.  It must be 110 degrees under there but he sleeps like that year round.  Actually , I figure that the heat from the blankets works like a kid-greenhouse.  The kid grows like mad and I am convinced that it’s blanket related.  He already wears the same size shoes I wear and he hasn’t even hit puberty yet!

I won’t give details on Emily but let me assure you friends, she is a weird sleeper too.  Now, I can almost guarantee that she is going to get on here and leave a comment saying some untruths about me.  Something like that I snore at night.  It’s simply not true .  That’s Mo (the cat) who snores.  I am a perfect sleeper!

5 Comments

warren, March 4th 2010 | Tags: ,
Posted in Fun, Thoughts

Coffee will do…I guess

Well, Lent is upon us.  I still have my shirt after yesterday so I figure it will be a pretty easy going Lenten season.  I don’t typically give up stuff for it but my family does.  You may remember last year that Isaac gave up farting on the cat and Abigail gave up wearing Mom’s sparkly eye shadow.  This year Abigail is giving up chocolate…typical girl.  Isaac wanted to give up school but I told him that was not an option.  After much debate, he finally decided to give up graham crackers…way to go trooper!

Anyhow, I have had an ongoing struggle against caffeine which I won’t attempt to beat this spring.  I think a big part of it is a correlated addiction to pop.  So, this year for Lent, I am going to buck my typical lack of Lenten cheer and actually give up pop.  So, without pop, I still need a caffeine delivery system (I’ll work on that addiction another time).  The only other alternative to pop is coffee so I have been practicing drinking coffee and actually pretty well like it now.  It’s strange that I had to convince myself that I like something but I suppose lots of things in life are that way.

So, for special occasions like delays from school, we stop by the local convenience store and grab a couple of cappuccinos (Isaac likes them a lot) so we can be fully caffeinated as we greet the day!  Convenience store cappuccinos aren’t as flashy as “real” cappuccinos but at $1.29, I don’t really care…plus, they are just plain tasty…forget the purism!

At work I don’t (yet) have a cappuccino machine so I stick with the regular style coffee…strong, bitter and black…like my heart.  Most regular men would be satisfied with a regular-sized coffee cup, but, because of my caffeine disability, I prefer to drink from a barrel.  My barrel of coffee drains about half of the pot at a time.  I believe coffee will do…

Not only is WV wild and wonderful, but Isaac and I are as well when we are fully caffeinated!

11 Comments

warren, February 17th 2010 | Tags: ,
Posted in Adventure, Family, Food, Fun

luv and such

So, I am a pretty practical guy.  It drives my fashion (I always wear sensible shoes), my politics and even my romantical side.  I understand that lots of things go into driving our economy so I am proud to do my part and participate in the Valentine’s day festivities…but my practical side kicks in too.

Emily and I have been buying small things the past month or so and calling them early Valentine’s day presents (there were some great after-Christmas sales, afterall).  Still, being ever-so-slightly brighter than a toaster over (which I also got in an after-Christmas sale), I knew that I had better have something in hand for the Mrs. come Valentine’s morning.  The boy and I went to the local big-box purveyor of Chinese goods and I quickly spotted my prize.  You see, Emily has been complaining about having only one small non-stick pan in which to cook my eggs and sausage in the morning.

China-Mart had a super deal on 2 Farberware non-stick pans and their bases were even coated in red enamel…and folks think I don’t speak the language of love!  I proudly placed my take on the cashier’s stand and she looked at me funny.  I sort of figured she was a bit jealous of the catch my wife had found, but I usually can’t read women very well.  Anyhow, we headed home and I hid her present so she would be surprised!

Just like a kid on Christmas morning, I woke early and fetched my gift and woke Emily and presented her with her apron and the new red pans.  At that point, things get a little fuzzy.  I guess she must have slipped getting out of bed, or maybe she had a nerve twitch, but somehow, the pan handle must have fallen into her hand and as she swung her arm to catch her balance, the pans whacked me in the head.  I don’t remember much else except waking up in a hospital bed with IVs stuck in my arms.

So, while my Valentine’s day was somewhat unusual, I am sure Emily liked her new pans and I saved us some cold hard cash by pocketing the pudding cups and packs of crackers that came with my hospital meals…all in all, I’d say it was a pretty good Valentine’s day!

6 Comments

warren, February 15th 2010 | Tags: , ,
Posted in Family, Fun

Gather round the old “fire”

I have gone on and on about our old house.  There are a hundred (or more) tings wrong with this place and we are working, slowly but surely, through most of th big ticket items.  The house has a great fireplace with a huge chimney that is, unfortunately, not in great shape.  I don’t think it is going to fall down anytime super soon, but we’ve been told by chimney-folk that burning a fire would hasten its failure, what with the expansion and shrinkage and all from the temperature changes.

Speaking of shrinkage, I can’t say the word without thinking of this:

Anyhow, until we get around to fixing the chimney, we won’t be burning any fires. But gee whiz, on days such as these, sitting around a warm fire surely sounds nice. Our house is a little short on insulation so heat is pretty precious around here. In lieu, of a real fire though, we have devised a new scheme to allow us to enjoy our own little “fire”.

When we get a hunger for hotdogs, we fire up the portable utility heater.  It is mostly safe and makes for a mean wienie roast.  Marshmallows work pretty well too though they smell worse when they fall onto the heating coils.  The best part about it is that there is no smoke to contend with as we gather round…

When Emily feels like a cup of hot cocoa, we don’t have to fool with heating a pot on top of the wood stove.  Oh no, we simply break out the hair dryer and let it blow!  She can have lukewarm cocoa in a mere 18 minutes!

7 Comments

warren, February 3rd 2010 | Tags: , ,
Posted in Family, Fun

On dental floss

I am Joe Q. Public.  I put my pants on one leg at a time.  I like hamburgers on the grill.  I cry when I watch Old Yeller.  And, like most people, I didn’t used to floss my teeth.  It’s a pain in the hind-end and it’s a bit gross.  I am stubborn though so when my new dental hygienist got on the old, “you have to floss or your head will rot and fall off” train, I decided to prove her wrong.

Clearly, this stuff was invented during the Inquisition

It’s not like I never flossed.  I flossed regularly for the week before I go to get my teeth cleaned and likewise the week afterwards.  With my Invisalign teeth aligners, I am supposed to brush and floss every time I hiccup anyhow, so I had additional motivation to floss like responsible teeth owners are supposed to do.

Dental floss technology...it amazes me!

I quickly found that the old-school floss was not gonna work long-term for me so I went in search of new flossing technology.  I found “the floss stick” as I like to call it.  It takes the guess-work out of flossing (did you know there is guess work in flossing?)  No more trying to figure the best way to get your big hairy hands in your mouth just right so you can get your back teeth.  No more accidentally cutting off all circulation to your index finger when you wrap it just a little bit too tight.  No, no, those days are over!  With my new floss stick, I can floss (and floss well) all the teeth in my head…faster than green grass through a goose!

The heads swap out so it isn't gross!

I haven’t yet been back to the hygienist, but I am sticking to my flossing challenge thanks to the flossing stick.  I am sort of torn…in one way I want to prove her wrong about flossing, but in another, I am pretty excited to have good teeth and to get accolades from a near-stranger as she dances around in my mouth.  Only time will tell, but I am sold on flossing now that’s it’s easy (and I don’t have to taste my hairy hands!)

10 Comments

warren, January 28th 2010 | Tags: , ,
Posted in Awesome, Fun, Thoughts

Blossom Deli saved my life

We started indoor soccer at the YMCA this weekend and the kids’ games were spaced just perfectly to mess with the entire day.  Abigail played at noon so, by 1, we were pretty hungry.  We knew better than to eat before the game as the floor needed to stay puke-free.  Anyhow, by 1, we were all pretty hungry so we headed downtown to one of our favorite restaurants.  It’s a local downtown place and lately has been somewhat flaky about when it is open.  We usually hit it on evenings and weekends though it really caters to the weekday lunchtime crowd.  That’s right…you guessed it…they were closed.

Anyhow, we were pretty bummed and more urgently, pretty dang hungry.  We stood in the middle of the street with vacant zombie-like looks on our faces, wondering how we would survive…what we would do to get food…whether we could bear to go on.  Fortunately, my lovely wife, with cat-like reflexes and an eagle eye, spotted the Blossom Deli a few hundred feet away.  If only we could make it the 100 steps to their door-step, surely they would have something they could give us to avert disaster.

Somehow we made it to Blossom Deli alive.  It’s all a little fuzzy, but I sort of think ants must have picked us up and were carrying us to their nest when some heroic patrons rescued us and drug us inside…but I have no evidence of that.  Anyhow, we got inside and…you’ll never believe this….they sell food at the Blossom Deli!

We were seated right away (I think they noticed our pitiful blank faces and feared a zombie attack) and quickly set us up with liquid salvation from the fountain.  Yes, you heard me right…they have a real soda fountain at Blossom!  I wasn’t going to push my luck, but I bet they have a real live soda-jerk somewhere too.  Anyhow, the whole place seems right out of the 1950s.  Inside the place is art-deco floor to ceiling.  A lowered grill sits adjacent to the bar seating and simple tables (like your grandma used to have in her kitchen) were everywhere.  Ours even had a nice, easy rock to it.  I think the only thing missing was a poodle skirt or two.

So, the less creative members of my family ordered hotdogs (all beef as Isaac likes to remind me) while I ordered my usual (see, I am the creative one!).  Whenever I go to a restaurant and I see a Reuben on the menu, I order it.  I am not sure why but I MUST order it if I see it.  So I ordered my “usual” and a cherry Coke.  When the waitress (I bet she wants to be called that rather than a server…it’s 1950 afterall) delivered our drinks, I initially wondered how she would tell my cherry Coke from the others’ vanilla Cokes.  Silly me, it was easy…she just sipped from each straw and knew right away!  Not really.  No, she simply looked at the color.  My cherry Coke was definitely red…and I think that red was either the fantastic cherry flavoring or the color of awesome!

Isaac and I quickly drained our glasses (he declared his vanilla Coke to be the best he’d ever had and he’s had a bunch) and asked for another.  When it finally became clear that we weren’t weren’t about to be hauled off by a creepy guy in black carrying a scythe, I took a look around.  The mirrored walls make the inside look much larger than it really is.  It’s really quite comfortable but cozy inside.  The waitresses gave great attention to everyone and I could see as the cooks prepared my meal…fresh!  Blossom Deli offers a daily blue plate special which I will definitely have the next time we go there.

I am sure we will go to our other “favorite place” again when we see it open sometime…but we now have a new go-to local restaurant in Charleston, WV!  Blossom Deli, not only did you possibly save my life, you nourished my soul (well…at least my stomach!)

7 Comments

warren, January 19th 2010 | Tags: , , , ,
Posted in Awesome, Family, Food, Fun, WV

(tap, tap, tap)…is this thing on?

Gee whiz, here it is 2010 already!  I haven’t been too faithful about writing since last year!  We’ve had snows and melts and we are back to snow again.  The temperature is only like 12 or something so it’s too cold to even go outside and complain about how cold it is.  The good news is that I have decided not to complain any in 2010.

Now if only all the dang annoying people would just leave me alone, I’d be set!

Anyhow, in typical style, we welcomed in 2010!  Don’t tell anyone but I think Emily secretly slipped into the broom closet during the festivities to down a few martinis.  I have evidence too:

Don’t her eyes look a little odd to you?  Of course, there are these too:

So, now on to today…we got the early morning wake-up call telling us that school was cancelled today.  So, here I am sitting here in the cold, writing this before I go in to work.  Everyone else is sound asleep in the jammies dreaming of sugar-plums and Dinah Shore and grizzly bears on roller skates.  The snow is once again stacking up and the wind and cold don’t help…but remember, I am not going to complain in 2010!  Instead, I think I will try to catch a quick nap and see what dreams turn up on my drive in to work!

8 Comments

warren, January 5th 2010 | Tags: ,
Posted in Family, Fun

Adams…Grizzly Adams

With the holidays, I have been pretty absent from all things Internet.  We’ve had family in town and really enjoyed our Christmas celebrations.  Last week, I mentioned one of my Brother’s traditions in which I participated this year.  We grew beards from Thanksgiving to Christmas, then shaved them off in pieces.  I had never grown a beard before so this was a new adventure for me.

So, without further adieu, here is a pictorial record of the transition:

Where I started...December 20, 2009

Gee whiz, my chin was cold!

Check out the handsome guy on my brother's left!

Perhaps a future in pro wrestling?

Yeah, I can't explain it either...

So, when Abigail finally saw me clean shaven, she told me she liked me better the other way.  Lots of people did in fact and that sort of gave me a complex…don’t you like the “real” me?  Do I need to hide my face under a beard?  Oh, the blow to my psyche!

12 Comments

warren, December 31st 2009 | Tags:
Posted in Fun

Hair? On Warren?

I haven’t needed a haircut since 1996. I hadn’t paid for one for several years prior to that but, in 1996, I shaved my head and started to build the empire that is “Warren” today.  Hair and the idea of hair have both always sort of eluded me and been a bit of a question in my atrophied brain…what is the point of hair anyhow? I get by without it quite nicely. In fact, I am more aerodynamic that most hair-endowed folks (I like to call that a hair disability). Hair is just such a nuisance…you have to style it and dry it and cut it and if you wear a crash helmet, you have to worry about helmet head. I just don’t get hair.

December 20, 2009

December 6, 2009

November 30, 2009

Although I don’t get hair, I do get people – and that, friends, is why I program computers. Anyhow, my dear brother, who always had a full mop of hair, has a tradition where he doesn’t shave between Thanksgiving and Christmas. In the time between Christmas and New Year’s Day, he shaves his face-mane in parts, each day leaving an interesting facial-hair style (see some of the possibilities).  Since I get people, I know that he must feel conspicuous being the only one in our family to participate.  This year, being the kind and gentle brother that I am, I have decided to take part in the tradition as well.  I stopped shaving on Thanksgiving and have been growing this luxurious  set of whiskers since.  You can see the reverse progression up through yesterday.  The white stuff you see on my chin is not gray hair…no, no, friends, that is snow that got stuck in my beard while I was sled riding with the kids.  I am nowhere near old enough to have gray hair…losing my hair is one thing, but gray hair?  I think not!

So, what about it folks?  Do you have funny traditions?  Do you grow a beard?

11 Comments

warren, December 21st 2009 | Tags: ,
Posted in Fun, Thoughts

Are you out of your mind?

Yeah, I licked it too!

Yeah, I licked it too!

I have been absent on this blog for the last few days.  I’ve been sick but I think we have sort of honed in on the possibility that I have/had some combination of  asthma/allergies/a chest infection…and just experienced a significant episode of it.  I go for more tests in the coming weeks to determine if it is asthma or if Emily has been making me inhale spiders in my sleep.  Anyhow, in addition to being sick, I also went to Las Vegas for a business function.

029 034

My co-worker and I left early on my birthday (Wednesday).  We left my house at 4:45 am EST and arrived in Las Vegas at 10:30 am PST.  That left a bunch of time for exploring the area before our work stuff started on Thursday.  I had never been to Las Vegas before so we decided to explore.  I don’t gamble particularly so we avoided all of those sorts of sights…I mean, I played a few slots and a couple of rounds of roulette (I came back $1 ahead!) and visited all of the casinos because each is a spectacle in its own right.  But spending significant time in casinos was not a part of my plans for this trip.

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After doing extensive web research in the 10 minutes prior to heading out on the town, we determined that we needed to visit the Stratosphere tower and ride the roller coasters atop the building.

Check out videos of other riders here, here,  here,  here, and here.

Stratosphere2

The Stratosphere is a fairly tall building in the Las Vegas skyline.  It tops out somewhere around 1100 feet tall.  There are three rides at the top that are sure to make some folks cry and others wish they had brought a change of underclothes.  I have always been into thrills (cheap or otherwise) so this was right up my alley.  Like all such fun things, the proprietors of the rides have automatic cameras set up to capture the looks of fear on riders’ faces.  I have absolutely no sense whatsoever so, rather than being scared, I put on my goofy face for the camera…

Stratosphere1

The Big Shot ride that jerks you straight up in the air was pretty cool but not in the least bit scary to me.  Heck, I was already super high in the air…what’s another 100 feet?  It was cool though to be about as high as you can legally get in Las Vegas.  The views were incredible.  The ride lifts and drops riders several times very quickly so unlucky folks get a chance to travel up and down through their own vomit several times.

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Aftert he Big Shot, we rode  X-Scream.  Follow the link and you’ll get a better description of the ride than I can provide.  This ride was pretty extreme.  It was awesome flying out over the edge of the building over and over.  And luckily for riders, there was no puke ride-through…it all fell to the folks standing on the ground below wondering what was going on atop the building.  Yuck…anyhow, we didn’t really get sick but we had  great thrill in both cases.

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We got into all sots of other stuff in Las Vegas and I will share some more tomorrow.  In general though, I am super glad to be back home in WV!

7 Comments

warren, December 8th 2009 | Tags: ,
Posted in Adventure, Fun
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