Brace Face

I have crooked, messed up teeth.  I have had them since before I can really remember.  I suppose my baby teeth must have been crooked as well.  Why would a person be lucky enough to have straight baby teeth only to be plagued by crooked adult teeth?  Huh…come to think of it, that is exactly how the world seems to work.  Anyhow, I have crooked teeth.  They are chipped and mangled and ugly.

Emily has been bugging me for years to see an orthodontist to get them straightened.  Since she means so much to me, I went to the orthodontist after only 11 years of “discussion”.  That’s really pretty quick all things considered.  Anyhow, the orthodontic staff stretched my face in all sorts of unnatural ways and took all sorts of pictures at angles sure to accentuate the crookedness of my chompers.  I suppose the hideousness of my appearance was supposed to shock me into wanting to fix my teeth.  I fooled them though…my wife scared me into it…they had no effect!

As a part of the examination, I got a few x-rays taken.  I know no one would believe my story unless I showed you the proof.  If you’ll notice, the shot of my skull does not show a hollow space.  There is something inside and it does not appear to be either rocks or marbles!

Since I am an adult and I get the pleasure of paying for whatever orthodontia I choose, I decided to get invisible braces.  I signed up for Invisalign straighteners that are supposed to be essentially invisible and as effective as normal braces if used properly.  Apparently every couple of weeks I will get new plastic inserts that snap onto my teeth and pull them into alignment over the next 12-18 months.  I will be in no danger of getting my braces stuck to Emily if we ever decide to share a smooch!

The orthodontist promised me I would end up with perfectly straightened teeth.  He plans to smooth out the rough edges and chips I have too.  I protested at first telling him I earned almost every one of those chipped teeth the hard way.  I still need to pay my brother back for most of those knocks…

Anyhow, in 4-8 weeks, I will have my new invisible braces.  I will happily be on my way to new and straightened teeth.  If all goes well, I may jet out to Hollywood and expose my bits to the papparazzi because surely I will be just like a movie star!

EDIT:  Braces are here!

15 thoughts on “Brace Face

  1. The best part is that since Isaac and Abigail seemed to have inherited your teeth, the orthodontist has graciously agreeed to give us a discount on the remaining family memembers. Just think – a $600 discount on a $16,500 bill. What a generous guy.

  2. Good for you!!! My youngest (third mouth/set) won’t be out of braces for about another year. Then, it’s my turn – to get mine REALIGNED.
    I feel your pain (in the pocketbook too)!

    Gizmo’s last blog post..Tagged with Crazy 8’s

  3. I got braces as a freshman in high school. They did straighten up but I didn’t wear the retainer afterwards. Now my teeth are crooked again and I have terrible pictures from my freshman year!

    I am sure yours will be all pretty but I hope over time they maintain the alignment.

  4. I loved my braces! I only had them for six months but I loved every moment of them. I’m not kidding! In my mind, my teeth straightened the minute the braces were placed in my mouth. You’ll love your smile as your teeth begin to shift into their proper places. I’m really happy for you!’s last blog post..A Healing Garden Salad

  5. I wore braces for years, then neglected the retainer. I need lots of help again, but so do my children – and I’ll have to pay their dental work off first!

    Evil Twin’s Wife’s last blog post..Meatballs!

  6. I only remember one of us being mean and sadistic, and it ain’t me. I’ll bet I have more chipped teeth from you than the other way around…
    Congrats by the way, I have been wondering for decades why you haven’t done it yet.

  7. 12-18 months and you’re straight? Wow! Back in the day it seemed like it took ages. I swear I had mine for like ten years. But I loved them! Hope you do too!

    Lynnie’s last blog post..Get Your Nets Ready!
    OH! You’re my new favorite blogger fyi

  8. We will come to the end of our 9 year ortho adventure when Mousey gets hers off next year.

    Honey Butch always warns the kids to be careful with their teeth, cause he paid a LOT for them!

    I think it’s odd that all 3 of ours have had braces, but we did not. I guess you need to investigate if you have compatible bites BEFORE marriage!

    Capri Kel’s last blog post..Sirius-ly

  9. Emily – I guess the kids do get one bad trait from me…crooked teeth! All the rest are yours!

    Mim- you mean prettier, right?

    Gizmo – your wife is bugging you too?!

    Loretta – your teeth aren’t too bad…are they? You could probably work a deal to get them re-worked if you care…I am an expert now, see?

    Old Grey Egg – HA! That’s something I had considered too. I have been this way for a long time…not sure how I feel about changing…and having to pay for it!

    RazorFamilyFarms – I think I may have some of that going on in me too. When I was a kid, I think I secretly wanted braces…ah…a childhood dream realized!

    ETW – we should all get together and negotiate a group rate!

    brother – you may have a point there! I am sure I owe you for something though! Good thing we don’t keep score!

    lynnie – that’s what he tells me…of course, he said it depends on whether I do everything he tells me too

    Capri Kel – I was so excited for my pay raise when Abigail got out of day care and into school. Here we are right back in it!

  10. Way to go. I got braces at age 52 (regular ones) and they worked out great. It only took a year to close a gap that opened when I didn’t wear the retainer long enough after my teenage braces. So, if they offer you a retainer for night-time use, it’s a good thing!

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