Emily and I were married a long time ago…back when she was young. She had good teeth, clear eyes, and a shiny coat….I checked her out pretty well before signing on the line. As she approaches middle age however, stuff appears to be failing. The week she turned 36, she went to the doctor complaining of being unable to hear out of one ear. The doctor did various tests and discovered that she has otosclerosis . The Cliff-notes version of otosclerosis is that the bones of her middle ear are calcifying and fusing. So far, it is only occurring in one ear but has left her with only 50% of her hearing in that ear.
So the doctor diagnosed her and, trying to reassure her, said, "It’s most commonly diagnosed in middle aged white women who have had children." Oops…not a smart move. Doctors before this one have made the mistake of tangling with this woman. "Excuse me?", she said. That poor man is still stammering…
Anyhow, she was not a candidate for hearing aids since she is losing her hearing so quickly. She had to visit a surgeon to evaluate the possibility of a stapedectomy which is what we are doing today. Basically, if all goes well, Emily will be having a prosthetic middle ear installed today…she’s gonna be bionic! She’ll be ear-resistable!
UPDATE #1 : 12:00 pm – we are in the room and Emily is all buck naked except for the gown they gave her. We have the only room with a window. Unfortunately, the room looks right onto Chapman’s Mortuary…that doesn’t seem too great to Emily.
UPDATE #2 4:45 pm – Emily is back in the room. She went back to the "holding pen" at 1:30 and they did the magic they do back there I guess…I suspect they must have run her through a car wash, just to de-coot-ify her. She made it into the OR at 2:35 and the surgery actually started at 3:00. Around 4:15 the doctor reported to me that all went well and that she has a plastic and nickel piston installed in place of her stapes – a bone of the middle ear. The best thing is that I get a warranty card for her bionics! Anyhow, she is awake and aware and doing fine! She reports that she can in fact hear better already!
So, anyhow, here is a video of what this surgery looks like if you are interested:
If seeing surgery isn’t your thing, check out these dancing monkeys:
If dancing monkeys aren’t your thing, check out this guy dancing:
You really gotta check out this video…seriously!